Sian Welby Opens Up About Fathers Dementia Diagnosis

Sian Welby has opened up about the guilt she feels over being unable to see her dementia-stricken father as much as she would like after the devastating 'wake-up call' over his diagnosis.

The This Morning star, 39, publicly revealed two years ago on that her father, Ian, had been diagnosed with vascular dementia.

With a thriving career based in London and parenting her daughter Ruby, 23 months, Sian expressed her upset about not being able to spend enough time with her 86-year-old dad.

Ian lives with Sian's mother, Helen, in a Nottinghamshire village and was diagnosed with dementia around five years ago. 

While he still has good and bad days, Sian candidly shared how difficult she finds living so far away from her family.

She told the Daily Mail: 'I'm a very emotional person and very empathetic. I'm a people pleaser in a lot of ways. I'd rather be making someone else happy and inconvenience my own day.

'So it does break my heart a bit because I can't just pop over, and because they live so far away.'

Sian continued: 'I wish I could just pop in more, take the pressure off my mum, give my dad some quality time, because on top of dementia, he's pretty much deaf.

'Like, he's very hard of hearing, and he used to be able to handle a phone call, and now it's just got so bad he just can't hear me.

'I think actually hearing loss and dementia are all tied in, and I can't communicate with him the same way.

'I do miss him more because now I've got a baby, I can't just drop everything and go up and see them.

'I've got a weird career where it's very demanding of me also. And I always joke that I'm the business and the product, so I've got to be me.

'Like, I can't send anyone in my place. There's no cover for me. I've just got to keep doing it.

'Emotionally, I'm quite drained a lot of the time because I'm trying to be a good mum, a good daughter, a good fiancée, you know, a good sister. It does get on top of me.'

While Ian was officially diagnosed in 2021, Sian explained that the early signs of dementia had appeared years before the formal diagnosis.

Recalling those subtle changes, she said: 'I mean, he got diagnosed during COVID, so we're talking six years ago.

'But it can take 15 to 20 years, I think, to even get diagnosed. Because for a while, it's just small forgetful things or just odd behaviour that drives you a bit mad.

'And you feel a bit guilty when they get the diagnosis because you realise you've been sort of going, "oh, come on, I told you this."

'Or, "what do you mean you didn't do that?" Or, "you forgot that I told you ten times." And suddenly you realise he really couldn't help it. Like he really didn't remember.

'That was quite a wake-up call because we suddenly went, "oh my God. He actually has dementia."

'There is a reason why he's behaving like this because for a while, I mean, I know I had moments with him, but my mum, I think she was in despair thinking he's just stopped listening.

'He's become so selfish almost that he's not helping me out anymore.'

On Monday, Sian visited The Spitz Charitable Trust care home sessions to witness firsthand the impact music can have on people living with dementia.

The London-based organisation uses live music to improve the well-being of people with dementia in care homes.

Speaking about the experience, Sian said: 'I found the whole day actually quite emotional. It really was.

'Whenever I do something like this, I always think I should do it more because it just reminds you of... I don't know, you can get so wrapped up in your own world of rushing about and almost rushing through life, and then you're in a place where people are coming to the end of their journey.

'It makes you a bit heartbroken because it does seem quite lonely for a lot of people and quite dull and quite slow.

'But because I was there with the Spitz Music Charity and Music for Dementia, I was there on a good day.

'I was there when they were doing activities and singing along and requesting songs.

'And I could see in real time it changing someone's day, like changing their mood, literally waking them up. It was quite powerful really.'

For Sian, the visit felt deeply personal because of her father's condition and the impact dementia has had on him and their relationship.

She explained: 'You know, for 40 years of my life, my dad has been one way and then suddenly it's like he is different now and you can't rely on him to do the same things.

'He can't have the same types of conversations, even just silly things, as you can't really watch a TV show in the same way together because he can't follow it the same.

'And I don't know, it's just a bit sad because I used to rely on my dad for everything.

'He was such a handyman, and he always worked on our cars before they got an MOT, so they always passed.

'And if you needed a shelf put up or needed a plumber or an electrician, my dad did it all, you know.

'Did you want a lift somewhere miles away on a night out? Would he come and pick you up? Yes, he would. And so he did loads of the heavy lifting actually.

'My mum, he was a stay-at-home dad, and my mum went to work, so I've got a really close bond with him.

'It's hard because my dad's got dementia, and right now he has good and bad days, and he still knows who I am, and you can actually have a conversation with him, and you have to just keep him in the moment.

'But I was sort of witnessing what life could be like and seeing people who, you know, don't really have maybe much of their original personality left.

'I think being in that care home, I sat there thinking it just made me want to see my dad so badly, and I felt guilty that I was with other people almost, you know.

'And I was thinking, I'm so glad I am giving my time here today, and I need to now factor in time for my own family.'

Through its work, The Spitz Charitable Trust has become a leading example of why many across the healthcare industry are calling for music to become a more integral part of dementia care.

The charity has also performed at Great Ormond Street Hospital and Northwick Park Hospital.

Amy Shackleton, CEO of Music for Dementia accompanied Sian on her trip. 

She told Daily Mail: 'We have supported The Spitz Music Charity since 2021, and we are incredibly proud to support their work. 

'While we have championed the power of music for people living with dementia since 2018, nothing compares to seeing its impact in person at Bridgeside Lodge Care Home. 

'The Spitz are without doubt best in class when it comes to delivering meaningful, person-centred musical experiences for people living with dementia, and seeing their work first-hand was truly extraordinary.'

Sian is supporting Music for Dementia, a campaign run by The Utley Foundation. Visit musicfordementia.org.uk