Meghan's Taylor Swift wedding humiliation: KENNEDY's Montecito mole tells all as Prince William rubs salt in the wound!

Even from the sweltering, triple-digit devil's steam room of , I can hear plates breaking and goblets crashing in a chaotic Montecito kitchen.

For as the great and good descended on Madison Square Garden for the wedding of a pop princess and NFL prince, America's true royal wannabes were nowhere to be seen.

And, if I were a cynic, it might seem to me that Prince William was rubbing it all in his little brother's face when he popped up in a surprise appearance on blushing bridegroom 's New Heights podcast on Friday afternoon.

Travis invited the Prince of Wales on to gab about (British) soccer and (American) football, and America's 250th - but I wonder if Harry and Meghan are asking why their phones weren't ringing, too.

When the Sussexes quit as working royals in 2020 and shoved off for the New World, I can't imagine they could have thought that six years later their names wouldn't even be mentioned amid the most buzzed-about, star-heavy wedding in the world.

Instead, Harry is being seemingly scolded by finger-pointing Spike Lee during Game 5 of the Knicks-Spurs finals and is the one who appears to be making inroads with the cool kids.

Prince William and King Kelce met backstage at Taylor's Eras Tour concert at Wembley Stadium in 2024. 'That was honestly one of the coolest moments ever, was meeting you and the little ones, that day,' Travis told the prince. 'Me and Jason joke about it all the time. We were so nervous to meet you guys and the royal family.'

'Jason has this running joke where he didn't know what to do with his beer!' said Travis, a hat tip to his older brother and podcast co-host (America's Prince Hairy), who seems like he would be more a home at a drunken Viking funeral than an English afternoon tea.

Caveman behaviors and atrocious grammar (it's 'Jason and I') aside, I suspect the irony of William being interviewed by two brothers working together to leverage their successes and grow their brands wasn't lost on the prince. But Harry just can't seem to get it together.

Now he's threatening to leave his children Archie and Lilibet behind if the Richie Riches aren't given British taxpayer-funded security for an upcoming UK visit, even though King Charles hasn't seen his grandkids in four years!

What does Me-Me-Meghan think of all of this? I asked one of my Montecito Moles if they thought that Me-Again was miffed about missing Traylorpallooza.

'I just don't think she wants to be in a room full of celebrities,' my insider said. 'I think she likes to be the most important person in the room. Honestly, she would go to the other side of the world to try to just not be included in a celebrity circus if it's not about her. She is so self-involved that if something isn't totally about her, she's frankly not interested. She's that vain.'

To be fair, Lil' Miss Markle is well-known for rubbing elbows with the elite and doesn't wilt under the star power of friends like Serena Williams, but I could understand if she had some trepidation.

When she ventured into a shark infested sea of celebs at Kris Jenner's 70th birthday bash last year, the Sussexes ended up getting mauled by many in the media for allegedly asking the far-more-famous Kardashians to delete pictures of them from social media.

Kim Kardashian later said it was all just a mix up. 'We were told that it was totally cool to post,' Kim said. 'And then after it was posted, I think they realized it was Remembrance Day and they didn't want to be seen at a party even though it's already up, you know, and then taken down. And then I think they realized, "Ah, this was so silly."'

At the very least that's wildly awkward. I don't think Prince William would have made, what appeared to me to be, a major sidestep. In fact, he deftly handed a loaded question from Jason Kelce on New Heights.

'America is turning 250 years this year. Be honest. Are you surprised we made it?' Kelce asked.

'There were times…,' William cheekily responded, 'but I'd like to think the UK and the US would be together for those 250 years... It's a good brotherhood.'

Spoken like a true prince.

Take notes Harry.

Horseplay

You know who else we haven't seen hide nor hair of at Swiftpocalypse? One-time Taylor bestie, Blake Lively!

Blake was pictured in upstate New York where her daughter competed in a horse show. Betty Lively, 6, placed second, but considering mommy's experience with judges, I suspect she'll appeal.

Mommy issues 

Magnetic nepo baby Lourdes Leon is addressing claims that she piggybacked on the success of her little-known singer/mom. You may have heard of her... Madonna? 

'I know they tried to put us to the test,' Lourdes sings on Madge's new Confessions II album. 'I'm not the same when I'm hanging on your coattail.'

Judging from your fashion choices, dear, you clearly didn't fall far from the tree.

Going south

Speaking of Nepo Girls Gone Wild, have you seen all the junk North West is putting in her face?

Kim Kardashian's 13-year-old daughter showed up on TikTok with new face piercings under her eye and at the bridge of her nose, which makes me think that poor child has never heard the word 'no' in her entire life.

Faking it

Jodie Foster has a way with backhanded compliments.

Agent Starling was recently asked her thoughts on Brad Pitt's blockbuster F1 movie and she said it was so perfectly acted and executed, it could've been AI-generated.

Apparently, that was meant to be positive praise. Well, I'm positive Brad Pitt is an AI cyborg since that sexy bastard gets more attractive every year.

Happy Birthday, America!

While many concerned citizens are worried about socialists taking over their cities and redistributing the fruits of their labor, we need to sit back, crack some American lager and be grateful we live in a place where instead of throwing people off of buildings, wacky lovebirds can scale them to get engaged.

It's a wild time in history, but as long as we're talking about our feelings, partying with our neighbors and moving forward with new ideas, I think the next 250 will be just fine.