Summer House star KJ Dillard has revealed he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and hospitalized for self-harm last year.
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KJ Dillard Opens Up About Mental Health Struggles
Summer House star KJ Dillard has revealed he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and hospitalized for self-harm last year. An emotional Dillard m...
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An emotional Dillard made the revelation - admitting he endured 'some heavy stuff mentally' during the fall.
The 28-year-old broke down in tears as he recalled being visited by castmates Mia Calabrese and Ciara Miller on a near daily basis during his week-long stay in the hospital.
Fortunately, things have now improved - Dillard was happy to report he is now on medication and undergoing therapy.
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'In the fall I went through some heavy stuff mentally,' Dillard admitted. 'I actually had to go to the hospital for self-harm and I was in for a week. Mia and Ciara were there, almost everyday,' he broke down into tears and was comforted by his castmates.
'Then I went to recovery and that solidified it for me. I was there for a few months. I got to focus on myself and I needed that because I think my whole life I distracted myself and ran away from my issues instead of facing them head-on.
Summer House star KJ Dillard has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after he was hospitalized for self-harm last year
The 28-year-old became emotional as he recalled being visited by castmates Mia Calabrese and Ciara Miller on a near daily basis during his week-long stay in the hospital
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'But now I'm better, I'm in therapy and I'm on medication. I got diagnosed with BPD when I was in the hospital and I'm grateful that I'm here alive 'cause I could've not been and thankful for just like the support of my friends.'
'Everyone here has somewhat shown support in their own way, so I appreciate that and I'm very thankful that the audience is just embracing that because it's my truth, you know, and I'm not gonna not be honest about what I go through, especially if it can help others.'
Dillard became Summer House's first Black male cast member when he joined the show last year
He said Ciara Miller (pictured) and Mia Calabrese visited him on a near daily basis during his hospitalization
The lack of 'stability' began to take a 'toll' on his relationships, including girlfriend Dara Levitan
'I didn't have any stability at all, and it took a toll on me; it took a toll on my relationship with Dara [Levitan]. I struggled a lot mentally and emotionally. I started to hate myself from within, and it started to show up in my relationship. I started distancing myself in friendships.'
Throughout his struggles, Dillard his the truth of his despair and instead acted as if 'everything was all good.'
'I acted like everything was all good when in reality it wasn't. During the reunion, I shared about myself having to go to the hospital because I had self-harmed. I was in a place where I needed help, but I didn't know how to ask for help because I was just like, "Oh, I just got done filming this reality show. I want to make sure everything looks a certain way."
'Having to show up as the first Black guy this summer, I didn't wanna show any signs of weakness. I felt really weak. I was holding all of that in until it all came out. I went to the hospital with Ciara, Mia, and Dara. I checked myself into the psychiatric unit and was there for a week.'
Dillard called recovery a life-changing experience where he learned about the importance of 'self-love' and 'self-care.'
'After that, I went to recovery in Westchester for a few months. It really changed my life because I started to learn what self-care and self-love look like. I realized that it's okay to not be okay. As a Black man in a world where we feel like we have to show up and be tough, being tough is talking about your emotions, and not holding the weight of the world in.'
KJ said he was dreading returning to 'normal' life as the end of filming approached
'Having to show up as the first Black guy this summer, I didn't wanna show any signs of weakness,' he told Ebony
Dillard expressed a heartfelt thanks for all the support he had been receiving from fans after the reunion aired
Dillard credited Release Recovery Foundation, a treatment center which helps individuals recovering from substance use and mental health disorders, for saving his life
On his Instagram Stories, Dillard credited Release Recovery Foundation, a center which helps individuals recovering from mental health disorders and substance use, for saving his life.
He also shared a heartfelt thanks for all the support he had been receiving in light of the revelation.
'I'm overwhelmed with love right now from each and every one of you,' he told followers in a video. 'Thank you so much. What I went through in the fall and winter was the hardest thing that I've experienced in my entire life and for me to be able to share my story on national television... I just never could've imagined this.
'I'm just thankful to be alive and healthy and to have the best support system ever.
'I don't even know what to say right now. I've never felt so much support in my entire life. So thank you. I wish I could hug each and every single one of you! Thank you God!'
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