Dynamos Struggle: Self-Harm Amid Crohns Battle

Dynamo star Steven Frayne has revealed he turned to self-harm at the height of his battle with Crohn's Disease, after the condition left him on 28 tablets a day.

The illusionist, 43, has shared that he spent eight months in hospital after a flare-up left him 'really, really sick' in 2018, but said he 'hated' his appearance after medication left him looking 'like a different person.'

Steven shared that he was first diagnosed with Crohn's when he was 14, and he is still struggling with the side-effects of the medication, including hair loss, and ankylosing spondylitis, which is a form of arthritis in the spine.

At the time, the magician disappeared from public view, before he opened up about the impact of it months later, telling fans he had been hospitalised with a combination of Crohn's disease and food poisoning.

Speaking on Pete Wicks' Man Made podcast, Steven shared he began self-harming because he felt 'numb' while on the large amounts of medication.

He previously shared that his wife, Kelly Frayne, encouraged him to get help after 'self-harming incidents', and he began therapy in November 2020.

Steven shared: 'It happened in 2018, I got really really sick. I'm in hospital, I was there for probably eight months, but I was going in and out for probably 18 months... 

'And whilst I'm there, the only way to keep me alive was through, I was on 28 tablets a day, I was on infusions every other week, and when you're on that much medication you don't feel anything. 

'You feel numb, and you don't know if your feelings are your own because you're just surviving and then I remember, and I won't go too deep on this because it's not the point I'm trying to get to, but I remember feeling so numb, [it's] partially the reason why I started self-harming, because I wanted to feel something.

'I was alive, again I was alive, because of the medication, but I hated the way I looked because the medication made me look like a different person. 

'Even now, the side-effects from the meds, I've got a rash that comes all over my body, in my hair, and my head and I've lost lots of hair, I hate my hair without a hat to be honest.'

Steven said that while recovering from his flare-up, it's reminded him to 'slow down and reset his life,' and he returned to performing illusions with the TV special Dynamo is Dead in 2023.

However, he noted that he still battles some of the side-effects from the medication he took, and he had to go 'cold turkey' to come off a large number of the tablets he was on.

He shared: 'There's parts of me that I'll never get back, because of that experience.

'I'll never feel like happy in myself like the way that I used to, but the positive of that is that I got through it, and it reminded me, it forced me and reminded me to slow down and it kind of allowed me to have a complete reset of my life, and now, I'm slowly getting back into doing a lot more bigger things than I used to.

'I'm working on some big stunts again, but there was that time, there was this weird phase but I'm getting better, I'm slowly coming off the medication, which also if you've ever been on 28 tablets a day, you are officially a drug addict. 

'I had to go cold turkey, and that was one of the worst feelings in the world, horrible. It took me ages to get off the medication, because you become so dependant on it. 

'I'm down to two tablets a day now, and I need those two tablets because if I don't take them I struggle to walk.

'But I take them religiously and I have treatments, and I don't normally start early in the day, because it takes my body two or three hours to start working, and I get scared to go to sleep because my body shuts down when I'm asleep. 

'I've got ankylosing spondylitis in my spine, so my whole back fuses together when I'm asleep, so I wake and it's like Groundhog Day, I've got to start the day in pain. So everyday I start the day in pain, and gradually I get better as the day progresses.'

In 2023, Steven brought an end to his Dynamo alter-ego by peforming his terrifying 'final act' under his stage name live on air in one-off show on Sky, Dynamo Is Dead.

Dynamo had three vital minutes to dig himself out of five tonnes of soil before he would suffocate to death, and he managed to break through to the surface at the two minute 47 second mark.

Dynamo sunk into depression and was unable to perform after a flare up in his Crohn's disease after he ate a piece of undercooked chicken led to years of hospital stays.

Last year, he said problems with his medication saw his life to spiral into a 'vicious circle', as he felt physically well enough to perform but lost all pleasure from his work.

'You take magic away from a magician and you lose your sense of purpose,' he told The Sunday Times.

After being diagnosed as a teen, Steven said he turned to magic to distract himself from his health struggles, and became a household name in 2011 and gained fame from his incredible street performances, card tricks and stunts.

Since recovering from his flare-up, he said he's ready to work and showcase his illusions again, and over the Christmas period he appeared in a heartwarming special called Miracles on Sky.

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