Vera
Death in Paradise
Funny thing about Christmas TV — you get the leftovers first. Only when the scrags and scraps of shows are finished off can we finally enjoy the good stuff.
Food obeys the opposite rule. By now, there might be enough turkey left for a round of sandwiches, but otherwise it’s cold pigs in stale blankets and the dregs of some peculiar vino that somebody won in a raffle. And the only remnants in the Quality Street box are toffee pennies.
This is nature’s way of telling us it’s almost time to detox.
But the television schedules work in reverse. For weeks we’ve been served the bits no one much fancies . . . reruns of 2021’s end-of-year quizzes, a glimpse behind the doors of a Christmas stocking factory, that kind of thing.
The tasty stuff has only just started, and is set to last well into the New Year. As BBC and ITV went head to head with feature-length specials starring their best-loved detectives, the chief question was which one to watch first.
Brenda Blethyn as DCI Vera Stanhope in ITV’s Vera Christmas Special
Blethyn may have to wait a while for her next invitation on This Morning, with this episode’s storyline quite near the knuckle in resembling the recent ITV scandal around Philip Schofield, with the murder victim a presenter of a TV show suspended following allegations of sexual harassment
Brenda Blethyn was on splendidly grumpy form as DCI Stanhope in Vera (ITV1). She didn’t go as far as to splutter, ‘Humbug!’ but it was plain from the way she chucked a fistful of greetings cards at her team that she was in no mood for playing Santa.
Murder was afoot on the Holy Island of Lindisfarne, at a reunion of old schoolfriends. ‘Afoot’ was the key word — Vera spotted a muddy bootprint on the bedspread, and since the body was barefoot, the print must belong to the killer.
Clearly our scruffy sleuth was dealing with a conscienceless killer. Murder is wicked enough, but standing on the bed in dirty wellingtons at a holiday cottage is truly criminal behaviour. Even leaving a five-star review on Tripadvisor won’t excuse that.
Vera’s superintendent got twitchy about the investigation, announcing that the victim was the presenter of a TV magazine show called Morning Sunrise, who had been suspended following allegations of sexual harassment by a young trainee at the studio.
Given ITV’s embarrassment over the Phillip Schofield scandal, this storyline seemed quite near the knuckle. Brenda, a popular guest on This Morning’s sofa in the past, might have to wait a while for her next invitation.
Holy Island made a spectacular setting, as it frequently does. It’s not long since Jim Moir and his wife Nancy Sorrell went birdwatching there, while Matt Baker spent a weekend on the isle with his parents. I’ve seen so much of it, I’m starting to feel like I’ve been caravanning on Lindisfarne myself.
Death in Paradise (BBC1) made a drab start in Woking, with an unnecessarily complicated plot twist
The fictional Caribbean island of Saint Marie might seem a more sunshiney choice for a holiday, but Death In Paradise (BBC1) made a drab start in Woking.
Thankfully, Bronagh Waugh as digital marketing guru Debbie was soon packing her suitcase, followed by bone-idle boyfriend Dave (Youssef Kerkour) when he learned Debbie had disappeared.
The twist was that the killer needed both Dave and Debbie out of the way, so he could burgle their Surrey house and nick a valuable vase. This seems unnecessarily complicated: Dave was usually so absorbed in playing video games that he wouldn’t have noticed if removals men had emptied the place, as long as they left him the PlayStation.
Doon Mackichan enjoyed a brash turn as DI Neville Parker’s mum, getting sloshed on rum and throwing herself at any man with a French accent. It seems a pity to land a role on Death In Paradise and not at least be suspected of murder, but she’s bound to be back.
So, I hope, will Leila Khan as chatterbox Riley. This show is always best with a naive and comical wannabe detective on the team. More Riley, please.
