The Real Reason MAFS Couples Over 40 Fail

We don't want your kids or your money or your home, and we're certainly not going to laugh at jokes that aren't funny – despite how shiny your veneers are.

We've raised children, some of us alone. We've survived affairs, financial control, parental alienation and more. We know exactly who we are and what we expect.

Some men find that confronting. So instead, women like Rebecca - or women like me - get labelled 'hard work', 'high maintenance' or 'a lot'. 

Let me tell you a story.

I once dated a man in his 50s. He was successful, polished, professional - a genuinely nice guy, I thought. For the first few weeks, he loved that I was confident and had strong opinions. We would talk into the early hours. Then one night, he slipped up. I caught him fibbing about something and called him out on it. Lo and behold, he used exactly the very same words that old mate Steve used of Rebecca. Rolling his eyes, he said to me: 'God Amanda, you're a lot.'

A lot? Or simply old enough not to ignore flashing red flags, like a blatant lie? 

Which is why I find the age-appropriate couples on MAFS so fascinating. They never work - even though, in theory, they should.

I believe that, deep down, regardless of what men over 50 say, many are secretly searching for a woman who is younger, 'softer' and possibly more forgiving of their habits; who wants kids who'll give them that prized 'second family'; and who'll be more easily impressed by the charm and security of an older man.

They may even simply like the fact they pick up the bill at the Botanical in South Yarra.

But for us Gen X women, we can see straight through their bulls*** before you can say 'combover'.

So no, women like Rebecca aren't 'too much', Steve. She is simply aware and, I suspect, unwilling to settle for mediocrity. She requires effort, accountability and emotional maturity - and honestly that's confronting for a lot of men who think that having a decent wine cellar and an Audi is enough.

I hear my friends saying all the time that we either become a nurse or a purse for older men - which is why many of us love younger men who match our zest for life, our energy, our confidence. We don't want marriage or commitment; we want fun.

The Steves, Tonys and Tims of our dating pool may say that women their age are 'too much' - perhaps they even believe it - but part of me suspects they simply don't want to be with strong women their age. Doing so would require them to be better, more interesting, more evolved.

The older women get, the more integrity matters. We're not simply after men for their wallet, physiques or their virility - we want them because they are good, decent, kind men. We want them for their character.

And that, readers, is why most of us are still single. If we are 'too much', that only means one thing: you are, quite simply, not enough.

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