Scott Mitchells Heartbreak: Caring for Barbara Windsor

's widower Scott Mitchell has opened up about the 'dagger through his heart' moment when he was forced to send her to care home - and the hardest lesson he learned from living as her carer for four years.

The 63-year-old - who tied the knot to the legend in 2000 - bravely spoke about his struggles on Wednesday's episode of : Caring Together. 

The programme follows actress Natalie, who head back to college to train to be a carer. 

Barbara, who played Peggy Mitchell in soap EastEnders between 1994 and 2016, was diagnosed with  disease in 2014 and kept her diagnosis private until 2018. Barbara passed away on 10 December 2020. 

'Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia in the UK. Dementia is the name for a group of symptoms associated with an ongoing decline of brain functioning. It can affect memory, thinking skills and other mental abilities,' the NHS website states. 

During episode seven of the BBC show, which focused on caring for people with dementia, Natalie met up with Scott at his home to talk about what it was like caring for his wife Barbara through such a challenging time. 

Scott told Natalie: 'I knew hardly anything that was about to come with dementia. I had no idea that dementia was going to affect her mobility.

'It was going to affect everything about our relationship. I became her carer. I was having to do things for Barbara that she would have never have wished me to have had to do to look after her.

'You do literally have to learn on the job.

'I had to learn that when Barbara said something that didn't make sense to me, that I knew was wrong, at first I would argue with her, then I would contradict her, and say "Barbara that was not right". 

'It took me time to understand to go with her reality. What I realised then, the reason I used to get irritable with her, contradict her, it was because I was so, so scared.'

He continued: 'I can remember the first time she called me from upstairs and she was crying, and I said: "What's the matter Bar?" and she said: "I don't how to chose an outfit". Something she had done all her life.'

Natalie asked: 'When did you start to have help with the care?' 

'That was after about four years,' Scott revealed.

'I was her primary carer for the first four years. I tried to do everything. You want to. That's what you want to do for your loved one. That's your place. Your responsibility, but there is nobody that is going to care for a loved one like you.

'The hardest thing that I had to do was let Barbara go into a care home. I remember her neurologist said to me: "Scott, you've taken this as far as you possibly can".

'I felt like a dagger going through my heart because I thought how can I let her go to be with strangers?

'I'm going to be here living in our home that we shared for nearly 27 years?' 

Scott continued: 'Caring for Barbara was most likely the biggest privilege of my life, but also possibly one of the hardest things that I have had to do in my life.' 

Natalie explained to the camera: 'Talking to Scott is going to help me so much when I go to my placement, as much as I am nervous about it, I want to do the best that I can.'  

At the beginning of the episode, Natalie confesses to viewers: 'So today is the day I think I am most worried about when I think about all the different parts of the course.

'Because it is dementia day. It is such a cruel, cruel disease, it's a really scary one. 

 'I am very fortunate that within the family circle, close knit, we haven't experienced dementia in the family yet. But as soon as I think of dementia, it brings me to Barbara.

'Lovely Barbara Windsor who I worked with for many, many years. 

'I was 10 when I started EastEnders, and I remember seeing Barbara in the corridor, and this tiny little woman full of energy, so friendly, so kind to everybody, true professional, when she came back to work to film her final episodes, she had been . 

'It was hard to see, she was a different lady, but she managed to do the episodes brilliantly well. And in great style. Left on a huge high and left how she wanted to leave.

'As the illness progressed, I visited her at home with Scott, her husband, who is now my agent, and really great friend.

'It was the first time I realised what the disease did and how it changed someone. So I think today is going to be really important for me to really understand dementia a bit more.

'I am apprehensive but I think it is going to be really, really interesting.' 

The actress then took part in a simulated dementia experience. 

At the beginning of the experience she was asked to place some spikey insoles into her shoes, put some big gloves on, huge headphones and sunglasses.

'The noise on those headphones, it was like you were trying to tune into an old fashioned radio. 

'But also with voices. It was very frightening noise.' 

 She added: 'I just kept thinking, this is like a nightmare. 

'This is one of those nightmares where you wake up in a cold sweat and think please don't let me ever have that nightmare again.' 

After she finished the experience, Natalie said: 'I couldn't help but think about Barbara... 

'To think that was what she was going through every day.' 

Michelle Dyson CB, CEO at Alzheimer’s Society said of the episode: 'One in three people born in the UK today will go on to develop dementia in their lifetime and yet there are still many misconceptions. 

'As Natalie and her fellow students learn in this episode, dementia isn’t a natural part of ageing, and it brings more than simply memory loss. Dementia is caused by different diseases that damage the brain, and challenges affect everyone differently, from sensory processing to hallucinations and changes in behaviour.

'We need to . Research we commissioned revealed baristas can receive more training to make great coffee than care workers receive to provide dementia care.

'The challenges of caring for someone with dementia, whether that’s families or paid professional carers, cannot be underestimated. We hear from families every day that they don’t know what support they’re entitled to and are struggling to navigate a system that is ineffective, complex and expensive. 

'It can be extremely isolating. I’d urge people to ask for help and support and encourage them to visit alzheimers.org.uk or call our dedicated Dementia Support Line.'

Back in December,

Scott, who is a Dementia campaigner, said on Good Morning Britain: 'This anniversary has hit me really hard. I don’t know if it’s a milestone of five years, the build up has really affected me. 

'I’ve been quite emotional. I can’t believe it. Still people are constantly coming up and talking about her, which is so lovely.'

He continued: 'When people are talking about her they’re usually smiling. They say how much they’re missing her sense of positivity and fun. 

'Importantly as well, the effect her name still has in the world of dementia. I’m very proud of that.'

Months before he admitted it was 'horrible to witness the terror' his late partner experienced when battling dementia. 

Scott, who became Barbara's carer in 2014 when she fell ill with the disease and spoke to BBC Newsnight about her illness and the impact it had on him.

Speaking about her being 'slowly taken away' by the disease he also opened up about some of the most challenging behaviours he had to deal with.

He said on the show: 'With Barbara, you know, I watched this incredibly vibrant lady, highly intelligent with the most wonderful memory. 

'Vibrant wasn't the word for Barbara. You all saw her, you all knew who she was. And I just saw her being slowly taken away from me by this cruel, horrible disease.'