Michael McIntyre Mocks Dubai Tax Evaders

They have faced the horrors of drone attacks and missiles fired from , but British expatriates in the United Arab Emirates have failed to attract the sympathy of .

The comedian chuckled at their fate during a live show at Soho Theatre.

'That is what people do [evade tax],' he said. 'I pay my tax and it's a f*** of a lot, which means I am making loads.

'Anyway I can't complain. Until I evade it, I feel like I am in a position to judge others.

'They have gone [to ]... I know I should not laugh, 'cause it's terrible what has happened.'

McIntyre, who has an estimated £10million ­fortune, mocked the expats' reaction to the attacks.

He said: 'The drones have come, and you have got all these people who have made the decision to leave the country and they Dubai is still the safest place in the world... We got shot at by 180 missiles overnight but only two got through'. [I] Still wouldn't wanna live there. Would you?'

The comic, who is married to aromatherapist Kitty Ward, turned 50 last month. 'I have lost a bit of weight on account of the fact that I'm trying not to die now,' he says.

'My wife is 50 as well. I was looking at her face and there is not a single line on it and I think that reflects badly on me. You have these laughter lines and I have lived with her for 30 years. If I was a good comedian it should be, "Have you met my wife – she looks 90 years old".'

British figures living in Dubai Other ­residents are F1 heiress Petra Ecclestone, 37, and Luisa Zissman, 38, a runner-up on The Apprentice who had to retreat to a basement with her three children after hearing blasts last week.

Prince Harry's ex Sarah Ann freezes eggs 

Burberry model Sarah Ann Macklin, who was wooed by Prince Harry in 2016 before he met Meghan, has revealed that she's taken steps to ensure she won't be left childless.

'One of the most personal things I did this year was freeze my eggs,' says the 36-year-old mannequin turned nutritionist.

Sharing a series of post-operation photographs online, she says: 'What struck me most wasn't the medical side to it but how many women reached out afterwards to say they were going through the same thing.'

Sarah Ann, whose ex-boyfriends include M&S advert hunk David Gandy, 46, adds: 'It reminded me how many decisions women carry about careers, relationships, fertility and timing.'

In TV crime drama Breaking Bad, Bryan Cranston's character Walter White made so much money that he had to hire a lock-up to store the piles of bank notes. 

Off-screen, the US actor, 70, is just as keen on making money (albeit legally). Fans seeking a photo and autograph with him at the Hammersmith Apollo, where he was doing a live talk hosted by comedian Romesh Ranganathan, last night faced paying a bank-breaking £388. 

The clerk of the House of Commons is quitting after just three years in the much-coveted job, which comes with its own townhouse in Whitehall. 

Tom Goldsmith, 51, is off to write a book on jazz history – a strange move for someone who has had to sit on the clerks' table in the Commons listening to others blow their own trumpets. 

Camilla hits back in Chalamet row 

Classical singer Camilla Kerslake has hit back at Timothee Chalamet after he claimed no one cares about opera or ballet.

'People in the ballet and opera world, including myself, have been hurt by his comments,' claims Camilla, who is married to ex-England rugby star Chris Robshaw.

The soprano, 37, said: 'If anything, cinema is the dying art form. People still dress up and go out to the opera and ballet, but increasingly the public would rather stay in watching Netflix than go to the cinema.'

Camilla adds of Chalamet, who is up for Best Actor for Marty Supreme in Sunday's Oscars: 'It's irresponsible for someone with such a large Gen-Z fanbase to disregard such high and valuable art forms, which can be so beneficial to young people.'

Members of the East India Club have won their latest battle against allowing women to join.

Last month, I disclosed that the establishment in St James's Square, London, which counts Nigel Farage as a member, had begun 'a preliminary discussion' to merge with the City of London Club, which allows women.

But the move has been called off following an outcry from some at the East India.

Chairman Mark Dean told members that both clubs had decided 'not to take discussions forward'.

An East India stalwart, anguished by what he suggested was an underhand manoeuvre by some in its hierarchy, previously told me that the club 'has consistently voted against having a mixed membership'.

I've got a face for radio, claims model Yasmin 

She has modelled for top fashion houses including Chanel and Versace – and .

But Yasmin Le Bon fails to appreciate her beauty.

'One side of the face works, the other side doesn't,' she claims. 'It's very off-putting. And people don't think that until they actually put me in front of a camera and I do a test of some kind. And then they go: 'Oh, yeah, she's got a face for radio.'

Yasmin, 61, pictured, who has been a model since the age of 17 admits: 'I spent quite a lot of my early life being pretty hungry.'

She adds: 'I can't have my picture taken. I hate it. I can't do the red carpet and that's why I don't do selfies.

'I'm absolutely appalling and I am unphotogenic by nature.'