Amanda Holden emotionally revealed how she processed the grief of her stillborn son Theo during a candid conversation with pal Alan Carr in Friday night's episode of BBC series, Amanda & Alan's Greek Job.
The presenter, 54, fought back tears as she reflected on the devastating loss of her son Theo, who was tragically stillborn at seven months in 2011.
Speaking to Alan, she said: 'When we lost Theo, there wasn't one moment where I thought why has this happened to me?
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'But there also wasn't a moment where I sort of blamed God or anything. And I just, the way I accepted it was to say that he chose me, just for those few months to see what it was like to live and develop and be in the universe, and then the universe took him back.
'Now I don't think that's religious, but I let him go back, and that was my belief rather than like he went back to heaven as such.
'I felt like he went back into the universe and he's out there, and he's still part of our family. Only way I could make sense of it.
Amanda Holden emotionally revealed how she processed the grief of her stillborn son Theo during a candid conversation with pal Alan Carr in Friday's episode of their BBC series, Amanda & Alan's Greek Job
The presenter, 54, married her husband Chris Hughes in 2008, and they are also parents to daughters Alexa, 20, and Hollie, 13 (pictured)
'I was like, gosh, I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping, he was perfect. And I always, always say I'm a mother of three, always, because I am.'
Amanda has previously spoken out about her experience in a bid to help other parents who may be struggling.
Back in 2011, Amanda was seven months pregnant with Theo when a routine scan revealed his heart had stopped.
The TV star and her husband, Chris Hughes, then made the devastating decision to have a caesarean following Theo's passing.
In 2024, Amanda shared a touching tribute to Theo penning: 'You would have become a teenager today... #Theo'
In September 2022, Amanda revealed she was made to feel like a 'game show contestant' when a doctor told her she was 'going home empty handed' after her stillbirth.
The presenter worked with the baby loss charity Aching Arms and raised money for them as part of fundraising for her 3 Peaks Challenge.
Speaking with Ross Sullivan - a user of Aching Arms - on her Heart Breakfast show, Amanda spoke of her 'awful' experience and told of her hopes that the charity will help people to 'avoid' the kind of language that was used with her.
Speaking to Alan, she said: 'When we lost Theo, there wasn't one moment where I thought why has this happened to me?
She added: 'I was like, gosh, I was so lucky to have him for all that time. And even though he was born sleeping, he was perfect. And I always, always say I'm a mother of three, always, because I am'
She said: 'I will never forget when I went through something, that I would imagine is very similar to your [experience].
'We lost our baby Theo at 28 weeks, and they very sensitively moved me into another room so I could deliver him without having to hear the lovely babies screaming on a normal ward.
'Often that's not thought about, it's little things like that. I remember the lady afterwards as well when we went for a chat also said 'I know you're going home empty handed' is what she said to me.
'So I felt like some sort of game show contestant, so it's all of that language that I know this charity will be helping people to avoid and educate them on how best to deal with something so awful. It's just awful.'
Amanda also previously discussed Theo's loss on her radio show while marking Nurses Day, saying: 'I personally would love to thank the nurses.
'I know I talk about this a lot. And I never know whether I talk too much about it. But obviously, when we lost our son Theo to a still birth the hospital where I was looked after was unbelievable.
'Jacki Nash got me through so much, Pippa Nightingale and Natalie Carter.'
Amanda married her husband Chris Hughes in 2008, and they are also parents to daughters Alexa, 20, and Hollie, 13.
For help with related issues, contact Tommy's, a miscarriage, premature birth and stillbirth charity, at mailbox@tommys.org or call 0800 0147 800