Vicky Pattison has got candid about her time on Geordie Shore, admitting that the show brought out the worst version of herself.
The reality TV star, 36, starred on the MTV series from 2011 until 2014, known for its heavy binge drinking, dramatic clashes and wild nights out.
Speaking about her time on the show on Matt Willis’ podcast, On The Mend, Vicky said it had been a painful period of her life and that she had ‘lost herself’ in trying to play up to her party girl persona.
She said: ‘For me there’s a lot of pain wrapped up in my time I spent there, a lot of misguided anger, a lot of moments that I totally lost myself and became what I thought those producers, and people at MTV and everybody wanted us to be. So it wasn’t like a lovely time in my life, I think it’s fair to say.’
She went on to say that the show made her worst qualities come out and she went on to escalate those behaviours as an ‘armour’.
Vicky Pattison has got candid about her time on Geordie Shore , admitting that the show brought out the worst version of herself (pictured in April)
The reality TV star, 36, starred on the MTV series from 2011 until 2014, which was known for its heavy binge drinking, dramatic clashes and wild nights out (pictured on show in 2012)
Speaking about her time on the show on Matt Willis’ podcast, On The Mend, Vicky said it had been a painful period of her life and that she had ‘lost herself’ in trying to play up to her party girl persona
Vicky explained: ‘Even though it was like the worst qualities of myself just amplified. Like, I can be opinionated and I can be loud and I can be feisty and all these things, but it was like all of those things on steroids you know.
‘And it was almost like I knew I didn’t like who I was becoming, but I would just amplify it more and more and it became like armour.’
The radio presenter previously admitted that she struggles to watch old scenes of her on the show, saying that looking back she is ‘mortified’ and was ‘never a nice drunk’.
During an appearance on BBC Breakfast in 2022, Vicky confessed: ‘I found it really painful [watching the show back]… and that’s not just the fashion choices. My behaviour as well, I’ve grown up a lot.
‘I think it’s a huge transitional period for anyone between your early 20s and your early 30s, but I did my growing up in the public eye which forces you to grow up a lot faster.
‘There’s real elements of myself and who I was then or at least who I was becoming that I’m really not proud of and I’m very pleased I’ve managed to charter a different course for myself.’
Elsewhere in the candid chat with Matt, Vicky detailed the effects of her father’s alcoholism, explaining how it weighed on her as a child.
Her dad, John, who is now in remission, has suffered two heart attacks, a stroke and cancer of the mouth, and had multiple visits to rehab.
She went on to say that the show made her worst qualities come out and she went on to escalate those behaviours as an ‘armour’ (pictured on show)
The radio presenter previously admitted that she struggles to watch old scenes of her on the show, saying that looking back she is ‘mortified’ and was ‘never a nice drunk’ (pictured)
Elsewhere in the candid chat with Matt, Vicky detailed the effects of her father’s alcoholism, explaining how it weighed on her as a child (pictured with dad and mum in 2013)
Vicky previously explored her own relationship with booze and the influence of John’s drinking in a Channel 4 documentary in 2022.
She recalled how she had felt pressure as a child to keep her father’s alcohol battle a secret, resulting in her feeling increasingly isolated for years.
She said: ‘Obviously my dad, who – for anyone who hasn’t seen it, the doc was called Vicky Pattison: Alcohol, My Dad and Me and my dad has been an alcoholic as long as I’ve known him, and my mam truly believes he’s always been an alcoholic.
‘Ever since he was young, he hasn’t enjoyed alcohol the same way everyone else did. There was something underlying there.
‘And from when I was small, even when I was really too young to be understanding this – I knew it was a secret. And I knew you didn’t tell anybody. Do you know what I mean?
‘And I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why we’re keeping a secret. But I knew you didn’t tell anybody. And like, that’s an awful big responsibility for someone so young. It weighs heavy on you. So for years I just felt Iike, I felt alone.’
Vicky explained that doing the documentary has helped her work through the lasting issues she had around her father’s addiction.
Vicky previously explored her own relationship with booze and the influence of John’s drinking in a Channel 4 documentary in 2022 (pictured together on doc)
She recalled how she had felt pressure as a child to keep her father’s alcohol battle a secret, resulting in her feeling increasingly isolated for years (pictured in October)
She told Matt: ‘But as a child like you just don’t have the emotional depth to understand it at all. And like you wrangle with things like, one minute, “Oh gosh my dad’s really fun”, and then actually I just wish he was like other dads.
‘Then, probably the most painful one that all children of alcoholics ask themselves is like – why doesn’t he just love me enough to stop?
‘And I always used to settle on that one, even when I was growing up, even when I was an adult.
‘But making the documentary helped me understand that it’s bigger than that. It’s bigger than me, it’s bigger than how he feels about me – bigger than everything.’
Vicky previously told The Times, that growing up with an alcoholic parent had a lasting impact on her, that caused her to struggle more than her other party loving Geordie Shore castmates.
She recalled several incidents being around his binge-drinking, once being used as a ‘human walking stick’ while supporting him home from a party.
She shared: ‘I was always begging Dad to stop. He’s tried rehab, AA. He’d get hospitalised to dry out, but he’d start again.
‘The boys didn’t want to knock on my door because Dad could be scary. I didn’t want to be like him. But at points, I’ve been exactly like him.’
On The Mend with Matt Willis is available wherever you get your podcasts. Listen here.
If you’re worried about your own or someone else’s drinking call Drinkline for free and confidentially on 0300 123 1110
Vicky explained that doing the documentary has helped her work through the lasting issues she had around her father’s addiction (pictured)
Vicky previously told The Times , that growing up with an alcoholic parent had a lasting impact on her, that caused her to struggle more than her other party loving Geordie Shore castmates (pictured with co-stars Holly Hagan and Ricci Guarnaccio in 2012)
