CORONATION STREET
Just when you thought Rowan was the worst villain to hit the cobbles since Stephen Reid, along comes Joel who, though not a serial killer (give him time), is certainly walking the wrong side of the tracks.
When he brings his daughter Maeve over to spend time with Dee-Dee at the flat, Dee-Dee coos that he’s a born father. Little does she know that he’s about to become a father for the second time, and to what lengths is he prepared to go as he hatches a plan to get rid of pregnant Lauren for good? And has he played any part in her sudden agony, when she fears she’s losing the baby?
Why do the women of Weatherfield find it so hard to see right through the many psycho men who pass through its streets? Pat Phelan, Stephen Reid, Richard Hillman, and now Rowan and Joel. Do the Street’s women find them all on the same dating site? Unhinged.com? Or squirrel.com… we promise to find you a nut job!?
When Joel (right) brings Maeve to spend time with Dee-Dee at the flat, Dee-Dee says he’s a born father
Given Dee-Dee’s alleged background as a hotshot lawyer in the USA, you’d think her antennae would be more finely attuned, but then given the amount of wine she puts away, it’s a miracle she can see Joel, let alone work out what he’s up to. Carla’s portions are a veritable eyebath alongside her gallons.
Rowan, meanwhile, appears to have moved on to Amy, delivering the same spiel to her as he did to trap Leanne. Telling the youngster she’s destined for great things, Leanne’s jealousy is piqued. Come on. Greatness is quite clearly not, has never been, and never will be Amy’s destiny; she shouldn’t just be smelling a rat but an infestation.
But then Rowan could talk the hind legs off not only a donkey but a donkey sanctuary. Hoping to extract money from Nick, blackmail is his best option, but will Nick hand over the £20k Rowan asks for in return for not reporting him for assault? And remember, he knows about the affair, too. Where on Earth will Nick find that sort of money unless he puts the boy genius Sam on eBay?
EASTENDERS
You have to feel sorry for Priya, because for all her gobbiness, she’s a great mother who puts her kids first. Blocked by Ravi when she tries to attend Nugget’s dialysis session, she teams up with Denzel to sneak in, infuriating Ravi and Nish. What’s a girl to do? She lures Nish to the Minute Mart and handcuffs him, demanding that he retract on film his lie that they slept together.
Where, pray, does Priya get a pair of handcuffs at short notice? Are they Jack’s? You’d be lucky to find a tin of beans at the Minute Mart, let alone bondage gear. Fair play to her for such enterprising spirit.
Priya (pictured) teams up with Denzel to sneak in to Nugget’s dialysis session, infuriating Ravi and Nish
Little did Reiss know the web of deceit he would have to weave when Sonia expressed her desire to have a child with him. There he was, thinking that their mutual love of wind (instruments, as opposed to flatulence) would be enough to sustain their love.
Now Debbie’s postmortem is complete, there’s a new complication when Debbie’s mother Brenda starts asking awkward questions and overhears Sharon and Teddy talking about Reiss.
Talking of Teddy… when will someone teach him how to put his arms in that sweater that’s permanently glued to his shoulders?
Little Vinny’s full of big plans
EastEnders’ Vinny is generally considered to be the runt of the Panesar litter, not least by Nish. But with Suki’s help, will Vinny’s plan to get Nish to hand over the Panesar empire work?
‘He’s hopeful Nish has got big plans for him,’ says Shiv Jalota (Vinny). ‘He’s positive he can take the reins and stay in control.’
As much chance of controlling the reins as Santa on Christmas Eve with frostbite in his fingers.
EMMERDALE
Will and Rose do the dirty on Kim
Why did Kim capitulate over Rose staying at Home Farm? It’s hers! As Will’s ex slides back into his life, Ruby tells her that to complete their mission to destroy Kim, Rose has to sleep with Will. When Rose moves in for a kiss, Will reciprocates.
I’ve always said Will was too lily-livered for Kim. Is he really going to risk everything – losing his wife, the house, not to mention the wine cellar (ye gods! That would be disastrous!)? When Kim arrives back the morning after the night before, is the game up for Ruby and Rose?
Will (right) is smarting after Kim ignored him so she could talk to Caleb. Later, when his ex-wife Rose (left) moves in for a kiss, Will reciprocates
Life might be about to get even worse for Belle when Tom suggests she move back home alone but he makes a secret set of keys for the house. One thing is certain: when he covertly lets himself in, Piper won’t be barking.
In fact, Piper is the most well-behaved dog on the planet; the only barking we hear is that produced by the sound department’s recording, which sounds nothing like a Cockapoo. When Tom locked Piper out in Wales, the sound was more akin to a bear with a severe bout of bronchitis.
I’m a total wreck when Tom turns violent around Piper, yelling ‘Please don’t kill the dog!’ at the screen.
