Nelly Furtado has recalled the ‘abusive qualities’ she endured in a past relationship – one that left her ‘feeling powerless.’
The 45-year-old did not disclose the identity of the other person involved, but bared her soul about their ‘toxic’ dynamic.
She said that ‘fear’ and ‘love’ can dissuade someone from leaving a troubled relationship, as well as the fact that ‘you isolate yourself’ and ‘don’t tell your friends the truth about what’s going on in your life.’
Furtado also maintained that ‘as women I think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes’ after falling ‘in love’ with someone.
‘I went through a very difficult time where I think I accepted some things that I would never accept now, in terms of the way you’re treated,’ she said on Call Her Daddy.
Nelly Furtado has recalled the ‘abusive qualities’ she endured in a past relationship – one that left her ‘feeling powerless’
‘You cannot see it at all when you’re in it, and sometimes we just love so hard, and we love,’ added the I’m Like A Bird hitmaker.
‘And I’m sure there’s women out there too, you know, when we become mothers – we’re quite vulnerable when we become mothers, because we want what’s best for our kids and we wanna protect them,’ she added.
Furtado is a mother of three – she shares her daughter Nevis, 21, with her ex-boyfriend Jasper Gahunia, as well as two other children, a son and a daughter whose names she has not disclosed with the rapper Jerry aka Gerard Damien Long.
In between her relationships with the fathers of her children, she was married to sound engineer Demacio Castellon from 2008 to 2016.
‘And I think that in general I’ll say that it can really happen to anybody, feeling powerless, you know what I mean?’ said Furtado on Call Her Daddy.
‘You could have all the money in the world and all the resources, but in the mind, really that is your only wealth is in your mind.’
She argued that someone who ‘can’t feel strong enough and clear enough’ might have difficulty exiting ‘a situation that might be toxic for you and not the best for you, and also abusive in any way.’
Furtado noted that ‘it is hard when you’re in a relationship that has that imbalance, I would say, and abusive qualities. It is hard to see outside of it because you isolate yourself. You stop talking to your friends. You don’t tell your friends the truth about what’s going on in your life. You live in a bubble.’
The 45-year-old did not disclose the identity of the other person involved, but bared her soul about their ‘toxic’ dynamic; pictured onstage in Nova Scotia this March
She explained: ‘And it’s hard to admit that you have chosen to not say anything, right? It’s hard to admit to yourself, right? And then, on top of that, the love right? Love keeps you there, because oh, you wanna – and I will say that too.’
Furtado argued that ‘as women I think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes, once we’re in it. Once we’ve fallen in love, right? We tend to – we sacrifice ourselves sometimes and we think we’re doing the right thing.’
She pointed out: ‘Fear is huge too, because when you fear, when you have fear, that can be a very powerful emotion.’
Furtado added: ‘You can be afraid – but you can, kind of like you create it in your mind. You can be afraid like: “Oh, what’s the person gonna do to me or say about me, or like you know, etc etc?” I don’t know.’
She continued: ‘You just, you fear that, and again it’s heightened, you know, when you have kids and there’s whole other things to think about.’
The Canadian songstress, pictured in Nova Scotia in March, also candidly discussed the process of eventually extricating herself from the relationship
The Canadian songstress also candidly discussed the process of eventually extricating herself from the relationship.
‘I think there were moments where I almost had the strength but again, like, something would keep me there, where I was like: “Oh, this is the moment,”‘ said the British Columbia-born musician.
‘So I think that – I will say, having remarkable friends. Like I’m very lucky. I have some really, really, really amazing friends, really core like childhood friends that have been there for me my whole entire life. And they just kinda knew what to say to me and knew what was too much or too little.’
Furtado’s advice ‘to ladies out there’ is that the ‘people that are telling you what you don’t wanna hear, those are the ones you need to keep close. Hopefully they know you well enough to not repel you with judgement or anything like that.’
She clarified: ‘And it’s not judgement if you, you can sense when it’s love. And I think everyone has someone, you know, maybe one person or one voice in their life that is maybe like reminding you when stuff is not okay and what your worth is and what behavior is unacceptable if you cannot see it for yourself.’
