Melanie Sykes has revealed how she once contemplated taking her own life, as a release from her pain and psychological turmoil.
The TV presenter, 54, believes that rather than being a fearful experience, death can provide an exit from suffering.
Melanie also describes how she enjoys solo worshipping sessions in empty churches, where she can weep in private, in the absence of the priest and the congregation.
Sharing her thoughts last week on Substack – a platform for writers and creators – she told how in the past she considered the option of death as a way out.
She said: ‘I’ve never been scared of dying. Sometimes I’ve thought it would be a sweet relief to my heartache. My extreme sensitivity, empathy and mistreatment have caused me great pain I would not wish on anyone. I have historically had feelings that the life I am living is too painful and therefore death would be a relief.’
Discussing social attitudes towards death and dying, the mother-of-two describes herself as a spiritual person, who prefers to embrace, rather than push away the inevitable.
Melanie Sykes has revealed how she once contemplated taking her own life, as a release from her pain and psychological turmoil.
The TV presenter, 54, believes that rather than being a fearful experience, death can provide an exit from suffering
She says: ‘Most people don’t want to indulge me whenever I talk of people who have passed. Others can take ownership of someone’s memory and question your life for them.’
The TV star who once enjoyed the glitz and glamour of the London media scene in the 90s, now enjoys hanging out in empty churches.
She said: ‘I go to church when there isn’t a sermon and without the congregation. Quiet, brief moments where no one or nothing can harm me. I sit and I cry with joy in the presence of the light and calm and the honest release of residual pain.’
Indeed writing in her newsletter, Melanie even believes that there is solace in dwelling among the dead.
‘Everyone I have had to say goodbye to in death has never left me. I don’t need to honour death by visiting gravestones, although I like going to graveyard’s. My people are with me everyday, I talk to the deceased in conversation and in prayer.’
Mel is mum to two boys, Roman, 23, and Valentino, 21, from her first marriage to actor Daniel Caltagirione, whom she married in 2001, before filing for divorce in 2008.
Now Melanie says that motherhood has made her more aware of her mortality.
Melanie explained: ‘Having my children gave me a deeper understanding of my vulnerability and mortality. I used the word vulnerable not negatively, but life is fragile and needs to be enjoyed, protected, celebrated and lived.’
‘I’ve never been scared of dying. Sometimes I’ve thought it would be a sweet relief to my heartache’
‘I have historically had feelings that the life I am living is too painful and therefore death would be a relief’
‘Everyone I have had to say goodbye to in death has never left me. I don’t need to honour death by visiting gravestones, although I like going to graveyard’s. My people are with me everyday’
Born in Lancashire, Mel came to fame in a 1996 TV advert that showed her serving Boddingtons Bitter from an ice cream van.
She then went on to enjoy a successful career in television from the Big Breakfast in 1997 to fronting her own daytime show alongside the late Des O’Connor- Today with Des and Mel in 2002.
Then in 2014 she headed to the jungle to star in ITV’s I’m A Celebrity, finishing in third place behind X Factor singer Jake Quickenden.
But in 2021, following her diagnosis with autism, she finally turned her back on showbiz.
Speaking about her condition, she said: ‘My late diagnosis of autism has changed my life for the better, I just needed to do the work. For once I come first.’
