Lottie Tomlinson: Motherhood Helped Me Heal from Family Tragedies

Lottie Tomlinson has revealed having children helped her to grieve her late mother and sister.

The mother-of-two, 27, was only 18 when her mother, Johannah Deakin, sadly died from leukaemia in 2016.

Tragically, just three years later, she also lost her younger sister, Félicité, from an accidental drug overdose.

Now a mother herself to two young children, Lucky, two, and Flossie Grace, 10 months, Lottie has shared how becoming a parent helped heal the part of herself that she had been grieving since losing her mother.

While discussing what she believes is the most rewarding aspect of motherhood, Lottie told Daily Mail: ‘I think the most rewarding part is definitely, I just love being their everything.

‘You know, being that person who is their comfort blanket. It’s such a nice feeling as a mum and as a parent to have that, and I think it definitely heals part of me that you know, I’ve grieved since losing my mum, now that I’m a mum myself.’

In January this year, Lottie announced the birth of her second child with fiancé Lewis Burton.

Sharing a black-and-white shot of her son Lucky peering into his newborn sister’s cot, Lottie told her Instagram followers: ‘Our little angel has arrived and she’s perfect in every way.’

Despite being a loving and caring mother, Lottie admitted that even she sometimes feels ‘mum guilt.’

While discussing the most challenging aspect of motherhood, she said: ‘The most challenging I find is the guilt, the mum guilt that comes with it and the worry.

‘The mum guilt is something that I’ve heard people talk about, but obviously, I don’t think you can really understand it until you are a mum yourself.

‘I think you want to do the absolute best for your kids, and that’s where it stems from, and it can be quite hard to manage at times.

‘And yeah, just the general worry that comes with having kids, you just want them to always be safe, always be happy, (and) always be healthy.’

Lottie’s experiences, and the death of her brother Louis Tomlinson’s One Direction bandmate Liam Payne last year, have also shaped how she talks about death with her young son.

She said: ‘I’m definitely more straight talking with him about death and loss,’

Explaining further, she added: ‘There are pictures of my mum and sister around the house, and he asks questions.

‘I tell him that’s his nanny, she’s not here, she passed away and went to heaven, but we can still talk about her and have her as part of our lives.’

Reflecting on the tragedy of losing two members of her family, Lottie shared what grief has taught her about herself and how her understanding of loss has changed over time.

She said: ‘Yeah, I think obviously going through two experiences of grief has definitely given me a different perspective on life.

‘I think that’s something that is a positive to take away from those tragic experiences that I’ve had because it’s made me realise how short life is (and) how important it is to spend time with loved ones and just be happy.

‘I think that is definitely something that the grief has taught me, it’s given me a lot of perspective.’

Lottie also stressed how important it is to talk about grief and the loss of loved ones.

When asked what helped her during those early days of loss, she said: ‘I think talking about it is really important.

She continued: ‘I think the first time round I definitely bottled things up a lot because it felt too painful to talk about it, and I don’t think I had the skills and the tools to know how to talk about it.

‘I never got introduced to anyone professional to talk to or anything. So, I think it was a much, you know, darker experience, and it was a much longer, more painful process to get to a good place again.

‘Whereas the second time round, I did get the help and I did get therapy, and it made the whole experience just a bit more manageable.

‘Which, you know, could be the difference between life and death for some people. So I think it’s definitely so important to talk.’

Lottie shared that there are moments and milestones when her grief feels especially present – and during those times, her family come together to support each other.

She said: ‘I think this time of year is always a bit difficult, especially because the anniversary of my mum’s death is in December.

‘But I think, mainly for me, it is Mother’s Day and anniversaries of their death. Those dates just bring a lot of grief back to the surface, and they bring back a lot of memories.

‘We always get together on those days and try to make it a bit more of a positive day rather than it being too sad.

‘Obviously, there’s going to be that sadness element there, but we want to try and remember the happy times and make it slightly easier for everyone.’

Now, Lottie is turning heartbreak into action as an advocate for Legacy Hub, a platform designed to help families record their wishes, organise their affairs and leave messages for loved ones.

She said: ‘Planning for the future and sharing your wishes is so important. Having an app like Legacy Hub makes it easy and safe to store those wishes so your family know exactly what you want.

‘It can be the difference between your family being able to grieve properly, or it becoming a whole lot harder.’

Lottie also treasures the keepsakes that connect her to her loved ones.

She said: ‘I’ve kept hold of loads of special little items from my mum and sister – cards, notes, photos,’

‘I’ve got cards my mum gave me on my prom night, which are so special. Those messages mean so much because when you lose someone, you lose those words they gave you. Being able to read them back helps you feel connected.’

Lottie added: ‘You lose the person, and you lose the words they gave you. But when you’ve got something to look back on, a message, a card, a note, it helps you stay connected. That’s why I think planning and saving those things is so important.’

Discussing the business and what she hopes to achieve, Lottie said: ‘I think it’s an amazing way to avoid being in a situation. 

‘You know, after losing someone, kind of like what we found ourselves in that there was no written will, it made it difficult for us to fight for her wishes that we knew were her wishes through her speaking them to us.’ 

Speaking about how the business started, she continued: ‘We’ve been working on this for a while now, and I’ve got an amazing business partner and team behind me.

‘I’m just really excited to get this launched and hopefully get that message out there, because I think work that I do, like this, I just find it so fulfilling.

‘You know, I love my fashion and beauty and the work that I do. But my work, that means something to me, always feels so fulfilling. Like my work with Sue Ryder, and they’re going to play a part in the business as well.

‘It’s going to be a donation of money that is brought in through subscriptions, that’s going to go to them and several other charities.

She added: ‘It’s just nice to be able to do something that’s hopefully going to solve a problem that no one should have to go through.’