Lily Allen has confessed she was left ‘really confused’ after finding out her estranged husband David Harbour had been having a three-year affair with a younger colleague.
The singer, 40, who is due to release her first album in seven years on Friday, officially split with the Stranger Things star, 50, in December and has now admitted she was left having to ‘join the dots’ herself and wasn’t sure ‘what was real and what was in my head’.
Titled West End Girl, the new record tells the story of a broken marriage and a series of betrayals with the hitmaker explaining: ‘There are definitely some things that happened in my real life that are reflected on this record.’
Speaking in an interview with Perfect Magazine, the star opened up about her break up as she confessed her marriage to David didn’t help her self-worth.
She explained: ‘I also think that what was going on in my life was really confusing, because I didn’t actually know what was going on in my life. I wasn’t sure what was real, and what was in my head.
‘So there’s a certain amount of, like, joining dots. When you are not given answers, your brain is full of lots of questions.
Lily Allen has confessed she was left ‘really confused’ after discovering her husband David Harbour’s three-year affair as she admits the relationship damaged her self-worth
Titled West End Girl, the new record tells the story of a broken marriage and a series of betrayals with the hitmaker explaining: ‘There are definitely some things that happened in my real life that are reflected on this record’
‘And if nobody’s willing to answer those questions, then your brain starts to answer them for you. And so I think some of that maybe happened here.’
Discussing the break up candidly she continued: ‘I don’t know what I can say. Two people who were once together are not together. And that’s really sad. It’s hard. It’s hard for me to not have my person, you know?
‘And I am quite a codependent person. And I find it difficult to lean on the people who are available to me when I’m missing the comfort and stability of what is not available to me.’
Admitting she knows she has to find happiness within herself, separate from being in a relationship, she added: ‘I know that what I have to do is to be able to make myself happy and that is a source of extreme irritation for me.’
Lily, who turned 40 in May, also opened up about re-entering the dating scene following the split as she confessed it is much harder than it was in her thirties.
She explained: ‘It means doing the f*****g work, and I feel like I’ve been doing the work for f*****g ages. I’m exhausted by it. And I thought it was done. I thought it was happily ever after, you know?’
‘Yeah. And guess what? The dating scene is much harder as a 40-year-old woman with two teenage children than it is for a 34-year-old woman. It’s bitterly disappointing.
‘There’s an element of humiliation and shame around it. The world doesn’t portray women of my age as being desirable. And it just feels like climbing up a mountain.
The singer, 40, officially split with the Stranger Things star, 50, in December and has now admitted she was left having to ‘join the dots’ herself and wasn’t sure ‘what was real and what was in my head’ (pictured together in December 2023)
Lily, who turned 40 in May, also opened up about re-entering the dating scene following the split as she confessed it is much harder than it was in her thirties
‘But also, at the same time, I’m like, I don’t have to get involved with it. But something in me says that I do.’
Lily continued: ‘Yeah, being in a relationship is not the answer to all of my problems. In fact, it’s probably the opposite. But it feels like the easier option. But also quite hard to achieve in this current climate.’
In her new record the musician writes about being too old, not good-looking enough or a failure as she added: ‘I don’t think that my previous relationship has helped me with any of that…With self-worth, yeah.’
There is also a lot of sorrow and pain in the songs as she explained: ‘I have deep-rooted issues with rejection and abandonment which I’ve been tussling with for most of my adult life and probably quite a lot of my childhood as well.
‘And I was having, like an extreme reaction to things at the time.’
Lily split from her ‘unfaithful’ ex-husband David last year when she discovered his three-year affair and profile on celebrity dating app, Raya.
The pop star joined the app herself, pretending to be ‘looking for women’ – and allegedly found that David had already set up a dating profile.
Their split led to her to check into a £8,000-a-week trauma treatment centre to focus on her mental health.
Lily, who has signed a deal with record label BMG, has admitted she’s ‘nervous’ as it’s her most ‘vulnerable’ collection of songs to date.
The mother of two has revealed that she penned the album in just 10 days and said: ‘I’m nervous. The record is vulnerable in a way that my music perhaps hasn’t been before – certainly not over the course of a whole album.’
Last week, Lily extended an olive branch to David after revealing she became suicidal following his three-year affair. She reflected on their relationship, admitting there were still ‘lots of good things about it’ despite the heartbreak.
She told British Vogue: ‘My kids had an amazing experience living in America for five years, and I have a lot of compassion for my ex-husband. I think we all suffer.’
Since the separation, Lily has been finding therapy in music and is releasing her first album in seven years, West End Girl (pictured), which will detail their split
Actor David and musician Lily married in Las Vegas in September 2020
The kind words towards her ex came after Lily revealed she ‘came close to relapsing on drink and drugs and developed a really, really bad problem with food’ as a result of her split from David.
She said she knew she needed to check herself into a facility when she realised she ‘wanted to die’.
The singer told the publication: ‘I’ve had real problems with food over the past few years.’ [In the thick of the break up] ‘it got really, really, really bad.’
The star, who has been sober for six years, added: ‘The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong…
‘The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those [feelings] and not to use them.’
