Liam Paynes Sister Feels Homesick After Loss

's sister Ruth Gibbins has said she is 'struggling' and feels 'homesick' for her life before grief as she reflected on the 18th month anniversary of his death.

The singer fell from a third floor balcony at the upscale CasaSur hotel in Palermo on October 16 2024 aged of 31. 

His medical cause of death was announced as 'polytrauma', a term which means a person has multiple traumatic injuries to their body.

Ruth took to Instagram on Thursday and shared a heartfelt post in memory of Liam, saying she feels like a different person now after his passing. 

She shared an old photo of them together and wrote: '18 months without you, it feels impossible to be a sentence, yet here we are.

'Healing is such a tricky thing to navigate. I can't return to who I was before, because grief has changed my outlook that I could never be that person again. But then I get sad Liam will never know me who appeared after his death. 

'And then the main part of me is so homesick to go back to my before life, if it was an option given to me between that life or solve all the problems in the world forever, I'd always choose to go back to my life where my brother existed.

'Liam taught me so much in life, but he didn't teach me how to live without him and that's a lesson I'm really struggling to get to grips with.

'Liam, I know you are all around me, especially in the last couple of weeks. I miss you more than I can handle, you should be here with us. I know you're willing us to live, I hope you can see all we're doing in your spirit.' 

She also shared a link to a post about dealing with grief which read: 'When it aches, I quietly tell myself that we will talk tomorrow.

'I know tomorrow never comes but it gets me through today and I have a lifetime of todays to go.'

In November, Ruth shared a devastating tribute to Liam on the anniversary of his funeral. His funeral was held on November 20 2024 at Saint Mary's Church in Amersham, Buckinghamshire.

Sharing a picture of herself and Liam during his days, Ruth wrote: 'A year ago today, the hardest goodbye I'll ever have, a funeral I never should have had to plan and everyday since, I never should have had to live without him. 

'Missing him is now part of breathing. It doesn't get easier, it that's just a lie to make it feel better. Infinite love, infinite loss.'

Liam's older sister Nicola posted a heartbreaking tribute to him in October  as she marked the one-year anniversary since his death.

She shared several intimate photos in her tribute and touchingly revealed how the family have kept his memory alive for his son Bear, eight, so he could 'know all about his amazing daddy'.

In her poignant message she also revealed how she has tried to make sure his niece Ffion remembers her uncle by comparing him to a 'star in the sky' and a 'rainbow, butterfly, a cloud'.