Jill Halfpenny says the death of her partner Matt Janes was ‘the hardest thing she’s ever gone through’ as she reflects on her ‘all-consuming’ grief

Jill Halfpenny has revealed that the sudden death of her partner Matt Janes was ‘the hardest thing she’s ever gone through’.

The actress, 50, was devastated when Matt died of a fatal heart attack in 2017, after she lost her father Colin at the age of 36 to the same fate when she was just four.

Discussing her grief in the wake of Matt’s death, Jill described it was ‘all-consuming,’ adding she realised it can make her feel ‘desperately lonely’ due to the taboo around the subject.

The Byker Grove star shared that Matt’s passing led her to process some of the feelings around her father’s death that she hadn’t come to terms with as a child, adding she learned she had to ‘patient’ with her grief.

Jill had previously shared she first learned of Matt’s passing after he failed to return home from an exercise class, and ran to the gym to find him lying on the ground, where attempts to revive him failed. 

She said: ‘I think that people very understandably focus on how hard it is and how difficult it is, which it is – there’s no argument for me about that at all. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through – but I think what people maybe don’t talk about as much is the resilience that it can give you.

Describing her own struggles with grief, Jill told Yahoo UK’s Unapologetically series: ‘I think the way I’ve heard it described is that the stone, the grief, is so big and so spiky and so all-consuming that there’s only room for the stone. 

‘And you just think, ”This is it. This is how I’ll feel forever. This is so completely consuming my body, there’s nothing else I can feel all the time.” And as we heal, and as we talk, and as we communicate, and as we connect, then the space around the stone starts to get a bit bigger. 

‘I don’t think the stone necessarily gets smaller; I think the space around it does. Tiny, incremental wins happen, and then you go to bed that night, and you think, ”Oh, maybe things are going to be alright.”

Jill had previously shared that Matt had given her permission to date again during a heartwarming conversation before his death.

Speaking on Lorraine in 2024, she said: ‘Yeah we were on the sofa one night and he said, “If something were to happen to me I would really like you to find someone else and be happy”. 

‘It was a disturbing conversation as there was something very urgent and direct about the way he was speaking to me, and I saw something in his eyes and I panicked.

‘My mum and dad had actually had a similar conversation with my dad two days before he died so it was all very familiar to me and I panicked.’

Reflecting, she added: ‘But now I can look back at the conversation and think he was given me a sign.’

Recalling the day she lost Matt, Jill explained that he left to go to an exercise class in the morning and ‘never came home’.

The pair were trying for a baby and shared a final loving glance as Jill shuffled to the bathroom to pee on an ovulation stick.

The actress went back to sleep before she was woken up to bangs on her front door and turned to see she had 17 missed calls.

She ran to Matt’s gym in Crouch End and found him lying on the ground. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.

The first person Jill called was her mother, who knew the scenario all too well.

‘I was ringing her with the news about Matt but I was still thinking about her, that she knows exactly how this feels,’ Jill said.

‘And I could hear it in her voice, I could hear that she knew I was about to go on that same journey.’

The policy in Jill’s family following her father’s death was not to mention him. All that remained of his presence was a picture of him on her mother’s bedside table.

Speaking to The Sunday Times Magazine, Jill said she didn’t blame her mother, as she knew this was an attempt to protect her and her siblings.

Speaking to Lorraine, the actress added: ‘I knew I had to go through it and feel these feelings. Grief is a very scary feeling, it feels like you are a newborn baby and everything you know has changed and is unfamiliar.

‘I was very open with my son Harvey. I said, “There will be days where I will be upset and all I might be able to do is watch a film and cuddle up but I promise you I will be ok, but right now I am not ok”‘.

Jill was previously married to actor Craig Conway from 2007-2010 and they are parents to 17-year-old son Henry.

She found love again with boyfriend Ian, who has been her ‘cheerleader’ as she processes her grief.

‘It sounds so cheesy, but I think Ian and I met at the perfect time,’ she said.

‘After Matt died, I didn’t know if I’d ever meet anyone again, but Ian is my cheerleader – I know I’ve met somebody who I love and who loves me.’