Dakota Johnson Smiles Amid Critical Flop of Splitsville

Fifty Shades Of Grey star Dakota Johnson is shocked at the whipping her latest film, Splitsville, has received at the hands of the critics.

The comedy, which follows a couple trying to navigate an open marriage, has been dismissed as ‘grating’ and full of ‘unconvincing comedic sequences’.

Dakota is bemused. ‘It’s an incredible film,’ she tells me at the Cannes Film Festival. ‘I don’t understand how it’s not so widely popular.’

The actress, 35, whose boyfriend is Coldplay singer Chris Martin, is enjoying her Cannes debut. ‘I guess Cannes doesn’t want me because I’ve been to Venice too many times,’ she jokes.

Fifty Shades Of Grey star Dakota Johnson is shocked at the whipping her latest film, Splitsville, has received at the hands of the critics

From left: Michael Angelo Covino, Simon Webster and Dakota Johnson in ‘Splitsville’

‘The light of my life’

Such was his adoration for his late wife, Annabel, that Sir Richard Stilgoe describes her as ‘the light of my life’. Four months after her death at 78, her magic is revealed with details of her will.

Rather than bequeathing her estate solely to her husband and their three children, she ensured that her two stepchildren – Sir Richard’s son and daughter by his first marriage – were equal beneficiaries.

No small gesture, given that Annabel, who was married to Stilgoe when he wrote the lyrics for Cats and Starlight Express, and also had a hand in Phantom Of The Opera, another of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s global triumphs, left just under £12million – with not a single penny going to the taxman, thanks to adroit financial planning.

Sir Richard Stilgoe describes his late wife, Annabel, as ‘the light of my life’

Joanna pooh-poohs her 80th

Friends looking forward to a big party to celebrate Dame Joanna Lumley’s milestone 80th birthday next year will be disappointed.

‘The idea of birthday parties repels me,’ the Absolutely Fabulous star says at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show. ‘I love singing Happy Birthday, but the idea of doing a big party to say, ‘Look at me, I’m 112.’

‘No, why would you do that? So on my big, special day, fingers crossed, I’ll be working. It’s always good luck to be working on your birthday.’

Friends looking forward to a big party to celebrate Dame Joanna Lumley’s milestone 80th birthday next year will be disappointed

A medieval meal

Cate Blanchett, who was once invited to lunch with Elizabeth II, might need to warn anyone dining at her own home.

‘The first time I met my brother-in-law [we had] a medieval recipe where you stuff a goose with a pheasant with a pigeon with a quail,’ the actress, 56, tells Ruthie’s Table 4 podcast.

‘He opened the oven, and the thing shot out, it telescoped out on to the walls, so there goes Christmas lunch. Dangerous.’

Cate Blanchett, who was once invited to lunch with Elizabeth II, recalled first time she met her brother-in-law and had a medieval recipe where you stuff a goose with a pheasant with a pigeon with a quail

Randolph Winston called on to help reopen cigar club

City banker Randolph Churchill has been invited to help reopen the cigar club at Monaco’s casino, a haunt of his great-grandfather Sir Winston.

With the club having been refurbished, Randolph, who will be at the grand opening this month, discloses that Winston was not always fastidious about settling his debts there.

Let’s hope the upstanding Randolph is not whacked with an IOU.

City banker Randolph Churchill has been invited to help reopen the cigar club at Monaco’s casino, a haunt of his great-grandfather Sir Winston

Hug hates dogs

She was for 11 years a presenter on Blue Peter, whose canine stars have included Shep and Petra, but Konnie Huq hates dogs, her husband Charlie Brooker has revealed.

‘We don’t have pets,’ he says. ‘Partly because Konnie doesn’t like pets – and therefore lied whenever she was on Blue Peter, evidently.

I think she’d happily wring their necks. She says she thinks they’re dirty.’