Baby Reindeer star Jessica Gunning has spoken for the first time about how she realised she was ‘a big old gay’ and came out 19 months ago.
The actress, 38, who played stalker Martha in the Netflix hit, said it was like a secret she had kept from herself for many years.
Jessica admitted she didn’t think she could be gay, even though there were many signs through out her life, like when she was kissing actress Cate Blanchett on stage every night during a National Theatre production.
She now describes coming out as ‘liberating’.
Jessica explained: ‘I came out in November 2022. And that was a mega, mega thing for me because I for so long…I am surrounded by gays, like all my friends are gay, so it wasn’t that I was repressing anything, it was just that I didn’t think that I could be.
‘I still can’t articulate it in the best way.
Baby Reindeer star Jessica Gunning has spoken for the first time about how she realised she was ‘a big old gay’ and came out 19 months ago
The actress, 38, who played stalker Martha in the Netflix hit, describes coming out as ‘liberating’
Jessica continued: ‘But I realised I was a big, old gay. I was like, “That’s what it’s been, that’s what it is”. And that was like a massive moment where everything kind of clicked and I made sense of myself then.
‘Because for so long I’d thought, “I know I’m a bigger woman”, and I thought that maybe it was to do with my size that I felt a bit like almost alien or like I was tagging along.
‘But as soon as I realised, I was like “No, it’s tha”‘, and that was like the most liberating thing.’
Jessica blew fans away with her controversial role of Martha the stalker in Netflix series Baby Reindeer.
The series shows Martha’s obsession developing as she emails Donny hundreds of times a day, turning up outside his house and harassing his family and friends. It is based on Richard Gadd’s real life experience.
Speaking on one particular special moment in the show, Jessica added: ‘There’s a really emotional thing actually in Baby Reindeer where Donny talks about sleeping for the first time at his parents’ house, and I told my family in Christmas that year and I like slept for like ten hours that night.
‘I kind of was “Oh, that’s what this has been, it’s like a little secret I guess I’ve been keeping from myself even”. And not in a kind of hating way. I never felt I was repressing anything in a bad way, or that any reaction would be bad.
‘In hindsight, I used to go downstairs and watch the L Word, that’s a bit of a giveaway. So some of those things I should have really put two and two together. I took my time.
Jessica admitted she didn’t think she could be gay, even though there were many signs through out her life, like when she was kissing actress Cate Blanchett on stage every night during a National Theatre production
Jessica blew fans away with her controversial role of Martha the stalker in Netflix series Baby Reindeer
‘And again, looking at Take That going ‘Shit, who is fit in this picture?’ Again should have known. And I used to wear like dungarees, stereotypical I know, bum bag, wearing backwards ‘No Fear’ cap when I was a teenager.
‘So everyone around me probably was like “When is she going to come out?” And it took me 36 years.’
In an interview back in 2014, before she came out, Jessica spoke about her appearance in the movie Pride, and the importance of the film’s message.
She explained how the film highlighted the historical actions of the gay community to rid the country of stigma around sexuality.
Jessica said: ‘This film hopefully, for the gay community, will show them that the struggle that people went through in order for them now not to have to fight is one of those moving moments. Sadly, some of the issues shown and discussed in the film are still relevant now.’
Now, reflecting on that time, Jessica said: ‘I should have even known when I did Pride (a historical comedy drama based on a true story about a group of gay activists) because I would cry all the time. I found it so emotional I should have really known then.
‘And then I did a play with Cate Blanchett where I got to kiss her every night on stage. Again, I should have known then. All these signs from pre-Reindeer staring me in the face.
The series shows Martha’s obsession developing as she emails Donny hundreds of times a day, turning up outside his house and harassing his family and friends. It is based on Richard Gadd’s real life experience
‘It’s been amazing, and very freeing and very grounding. I feel like really peaceful actually.’
Speaking on the Reign podcast she added: ‘Naively I always used to think it would be just like a sexual thing. It’s not that in any way, you’re going ‘this is who I am’. And it’s actually really emotional.
‘Some of my straight friends have actually said they envy people being able to come out because it’s like a celebration of who you are.
‘I think we’re coming into a time when we won’t ever need to really come out, but when you do it is so exposing, but it’s also really lovely because you’re going ‘this is my soul a bit’, you’re going “This is who I am”.
‘And you’re getting to have all those amazing chats with your loved ones. It’s really special. And loads of my friends have shared that sometimes it wasn’t really that easy and that’s emotional too. Everyone’s been amazing, so supportive.’
