Abbie Chatfield calls out ‘internalised misogyny’ among stay-at-home mothers and insists they should be paid for domestic work

Abbie Chatfield has sparked fierce debate online after posting a lengthy video calling out what she described as the ‘extreme internalised misogyny’ she sees among some stay-at-home mothers.

Posting to TikTok on Monday, the media personality, 30, shared a stunning rant in which she called out the backlash she often receives from women after arguing that stay-at-home mothers deserve formal recognition for their work. 

‘The second I say that they deserve to get paid, they deserve to be acknowledged for their work, they deserve to have some assistance if they would like it, they deserve to have super, it is like I’ve told them the opposite,’ she said.

Abbie said critics frequently accuse her of devaluing motherhood, despite her insistence that she is doing the opposite.

‘It’s like I’ve told them what they’ve told themselves – that their jobs aren’t work, that they don’t deserve to get paid, that it’s just a part of life, that it’s their rightful place,’ she said.

‘In reality, I’m actually advocating pretty hard for them,’ she added, saying she was confused by the level of anger directed at her.

‘These women get so angry at me sometimes when I say that you guys deserve to get paid and to be acknowledged for the work that you do and what you do is actually really hard.’

She recalled one incident where a critic took their anger to an extreme. 

‘One time, one of them started making videos about me getting really angry and ended it by farting into her phone,’ she exclaimed.

According to Abbie, the woman accused her of misunderstanding stay-at-home motherhood.

‘[She was] saying: ‘You don’t know what being a stay at home mother is like,’ and I go, ‘I know, that’s what I said. I’m saying that it’s hard. I’m agreeing with you.’

Abbie went on to urge stay-at-home mothers to reject the idea that domestic labour is not real work.

‘If you’re a stay at home mother, stop leaning into the patriarchal idea that you aren’t working,’ she said, adding: ‘Value yourself for the work that you are doing.’

She then described stay-at-home mothers as central to family life, arguing that unpaid domestic labour replaces multiple paid roles that a husband might need such as childcare, cooking, cleaning and a psychologist.

She also highlighted the financial risks of stepping away from paid work to become a stay-at-home mother. 

Abbie concluded by urging women to reassess how they value themselves, saying: ‘Please acknowledge that you are worth something. That is all I’m asking.’

Her video was accompanied by a rather brutal caption that read: ‘SAHM [Stay-at-home mothers] devalue themselves so much that they get angry when someone says they deserve more. BREAK FREE FROM YOUR INTERNALISED MISOGYNY!! ACKNOWELEDGE YOUR WORTH!!’ 

Her rant sparked debate in the comments section, with some users agreeing that stay-at-home mothers should indeed receive payment.

‘They won’t realise it until they are 25 years down the line and divorced and left with nothing,’ one user said of women who refuse to be paid for domestic work. 

‘They’ve been defending themselves for so long they’re permanently in a defensive mindset,’ someone else added. 

However others argued against Abbie’s opinion, rejecting the idea that parenting should be framed as paid labour at all.

‘Being a parent is demanding, but it’s also the most important role there is. To some people, calling it ‘work’ might be perceived as undervaluing what it truly is,’ one user argued. 

Some pointed out the fact that divorce courts take domestic work into consideration when divvying up assets following a marriage breakdown. 

Others took issue with Chatfield’s tone, describing it as condescending or a ‘punching down’ approach.