‘We had terrible days where we fell apart’: Sarah Parish recalls how the heartbreaking death of her baby daughter changed her relationship with The Crown star James Murray

Sarah Parish has opened up about the impact the death of her baby had on her relationship with husband James Murray after she passed away at eight-months-old

The actress, 57, and the Crown star, 50, were left devastated in 2009 when their baby girl – Ella-Jayne – died from a congenital heart defect after being diagnosed with a rare genetic condition, Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome.

Ella-Jayne had open-heart surgery at just three days old and then spent the next four months in intensive care with her parents by her side, before later dying at home.

Speaking to the Sunday Times this week, Sarah explained where there were days they ‘fell apart’ and struggled to cope with their own grief and each other’s.

She explained: ‘I’d been very lucky in life. Jim and I were rolling along, having a lovely time. Moved out to the country to start a family. Ticked every box, as they say. We were both working, both leading shows. And then suddenly something puts a spanner in the works and it’s quite unbelievable. 

‘But in hindsight, everything happens for a reason and it’s often those terrible, terrible things that lead you in the direction that you were always supposed to go. I think if Jim and I had just carried on… I don’t know if we’d still be… I don’t… We would just be very different people. Maybe not as patient, maybe not as nice.’

Discussing the loss, she said: ‘It would have meant a hoist. It would have been maybe non-verbal. It would have been a very, very different life for us. But we got better at it. We were like, ‘OK, we can do it. We’ll manage. We’ll do it.’ And you start to look forward to that life: ‘This is going to be great. This is a real challenge but we can do it.’ And then for it to be snatched away so quickly…’

Sarah and James – who she calls Jim – have previously opened up on how they coped with the tragic loss of their baby, by pouring their grief into helping others.

Following her death, their relationship suffered as they struggled to come to terms with the death, which led them to go volunteer at orphanages in Southeast Asia and eventually set up their own charity.

And in the 2025 New Year Honours, the couple both received MBEs for services to ‘children with an illness and their families’ through their charitable foundation.

Last year in a joint interview with The Sunday Times, they explained how Ella-Jayne had been born five weeks prematurely in May 2008, and knew from one look at the nurses faces that ‘something was very wrong.’

Sarah admitted: ‘We lived with the blind hope she would survive; nothing else mattered.’ 

However, James described how they were ‘cut off at the knees’ when Ella-Jayne tragically passed away at home in January 2009.

The couple – who have been married since 2007 – explained that they feared their relationship would collapse with the knowledge that statistically around 75 per cent of couples split after losing a child.

Sarah recalled: ‘Somehow Jim and I managed to hold each other up while Ella-Jayne was alive but when she died at home in January 2009 we went through an incredibly difficult time.’

The grieving pair decided to go to Vietnam and Cambodia and volunteer to work in orphanages with sick children, with Sarah saying they ‘surrounded ourselves with other people’s pain to put ours in perspective.’

Their experience turned out to be first step on a new path and in 2014 they set up charity Imagine This – formerly called Murray Parish Trust – dedicated to supporting the mental wellbeing of seriously ill children and their families across the UK.

Their charitable contributions led to the couple being awarded MBEs earlier this year, with Sarah calling the day they were bestowed with the honour by King Charles ‘one of the best days ever’ as it showed what impact Ella-Jayne had had.

She said: ‘When we were awarded MBEs this year for our charity work it was one of the best days ever. Knowing that our daughter’s short life had made such a difference made us so proud.’ 

Sarah and James went on to welcome daughter Nell, now 15, ten months after Ella-Jayne’s death.

The star has previously revealed on how she likes to write a birthday card to Ella-Jayne which she then keeps for her and James to cherish.

She told OK!: ‘Every year I write her a birthday card and keep it for us,’ adding: ‘There are sad days but also happy days. We have a lot to be thankful for.’

James previously revealed how fishing helped him cope with the ‘unbearable’ pain of Ella-Jayne’s death.

Speaking to The Times in November 2024, he told how he tried therapy and speaking to friends, but it hadn’t worked at the time

He said: ‘The pain was unbearable. Therapy wasn’t doing it for me; talking to friends didn’t help with something that was impossible to comprehend. I was going under, sinking slowly then fast. It was all-encompassing and horrendous.

‘Then I stood in the river and began to cast; fishing was the way I coped and where I found Ella-Jayne again.’

James also admitted that the couple weren’t able to celebrate the news of Sarah’s second pregnancy with Nell, because of the intense anxiety after losing Ella-Jayne. 

He said: ‘The idea of getting pregnant and having another baby was so drenched in caution and worry that the joy of that news was not there. 

‘We couldn’t breathe while Sarah was pregnant, then Nell was premature and it was dramatic, but I’d say we are pretty resilient as a result.’

Sarah has previously said that before the death of her daughter she had a ‘very easy life’ and that the harrowing experience ‘made me a better person’. 

If you have been affected by anything in this article, please contact Imagine This at imaginethis.org.uk