Sam West: Last ‘Proper Conversation’ with Mother Prunella Scales Was Two Years Ago as She Passes Away at 93

Prunella Scales’s son Sam West has spoken about her final few years living with dementia and said his last ‘proper conversation’ with his mother was two years ago.

Despite her deteriorating health, she was able to talk to Queen Camilla last year, but actor Sam said how her communication abilities worsened considerably afterwards and he was unable to speak with her properly. 

Prunella, who died on Monday aged 93, began suffering memory difficulties in 2001 but wasn’t diagnosed with her type of vascular dementia until 2013.

The Fawlty Towers star was still able to enjoy her 90th birthday party at her home in south-west London three years ago, and enjoyed reading the 6,500 birthday messages Sam compiled for her. 

In an interview recorded just two weeks before she died, her eldest son, said of her 90th birthday: ‘It was a very happy day. My brother did a beautiful poem.

‘I put out a message on Twitter a few days before saying “My mum’s going to be 90, anyone who wants to send her a message I’ll make sure she gets it.”

Sam, speaking on the Rosebud podcast to Gyles Brandreth, continued: ‘I got 6,500 replies, which I bound. 

‘And even removing everything but the message, they made a 110 page book, which she flicked through and rather enjoyed – and wouldn’t remember of course now. But at the time it was rather beautiful.’

‘The last proper conversation I had with her was a couple of years ago, where she said to me “How old am I?”. And I said ‘You’re 91 mum”. And she said “91? F*ck”. Beautifully enunciated, beautifully timed.’ 

Prophetically, Sam added: ‘It’s not quite the last conversation that we had, but it may turn out to be the last one that made any sort of sense.’ 

However, Brandreth revealed that at an event he hosted last year, attended by Queen Camilla, the extent of Prunella’s dementia was not clear to others.

The celebration was held in Rye, East Sussex, at the home of E. F. Benson, who wrote the Mapp and Lucia stories which were adapted for television with Prunella starring in the original version.

Brandreth said: ‘Queen Camilla came and what was interesting was that your mother seemed to recognise Queen Camilla. Certainly they kissed and had a happy chat, and if you hadn’t known… she laughed at the jokes.’ 

Sam said although his mother came to need constant care and had lost her fellow actor husband Timothy West last November, aged 90, she would still get out the house and she continued sleeping upstairs at home after having a stairlift fitted.

Sam explained: ‘She saw my eight-year-old sing at the same church my father’s memorial was, St James’s Piccadilly, only a couple of months ago.

‘And the pictures I have of them together show them absolutely enjoying each other’s company.’ 

He added: ‘She’s never really been angry or anxious, as a person with dementia. She’s quite content I think, which is fairly extraordinary because it could be a lot worse.

‘We’re solvent and have been able to afford drugs that slow the onset of the disease for nearly 25 years.

‘The most difficult thing is my father losing his best mate, and her wit going. They were always able to make each other laugh.

‘There were two great blessings in my parents’ marriage. They worked about the same amount of time, they were unemployed for about the same amount of time. 

‘They were roughly as famous as each other and they always made each other laugh – that’s three things.

‘He couldn’t sort of understand where that person had gone. My father’s died. They probably went in the wrong order.

‘She’s not very responsive, and we have to be honest and say she’s not well enough to know that he’s gone, which sort of sounds sad, but then she’s not mourning a 61-year marriage, which at her age is pretty cool I think.

‘She’s in love with her carer, who is a very nice young woman.’ 

Prunella and Timothy continued to enjoy their passion for canal boating even as her dementia became more debilitating.

Sam said: ‘As my mother’s dementia began to take hold, she said “I don’t always know where I’m going, but I always enjoy getting there.”

‘I thought “I don’t think I have a better philosophy than that, I think that might have to be mine as well.”‘

Timothy would chat with Prunella, who would reply saying whether she understood or not, but that became more difficult as she started losing her hearing, Sam explained. 

Sam continued: ‘There is one thing I can say if anybody is dealing with this terrible illness and has a relative who is demented. The hearing is a really important thing. Get it sorted, get a hearing aid.

‘Make sure it’s up to date, put the batteries in, don’t rely on that person to remember where they put it, don’t rely on that person to put them in.

‘Because the connection that you have, the social web it includes, is very helpful for slowing down the onset of the disease.

‘And as soon as you switch off and think truthfully that the conversation is less about you than it was, then that’s a sort of one-way street.’ 

Despite Prunella’s apparent contentedness right to the end, she wasn’t always happy within herself in her younger days, Sam said – but the dementia closed her way of escape.

Sam said: ‘I think my mother didn’t love being herself and that was one of the hardest things about her dementia, because as soon as she couldn’t pretend to be somebody else she got rather upset.’