Shirley Ballas, 65, tears up over her close bond with mother Audrey, 88

Shirley Ballas broke down in tears as she detailed their unbreakable bond with her mother Audrey.

The Strictly Come Dancing judge, 65, appeared on Chris Evans’ Virgin Radio show on Tuesday to discuss her new book, Best Foot Forward.

The autobiography is a continuation of her first autobiography, ‘Behind the Sequins: My Life’ which was released five years ago.

Audrey played a big part in the new book as she wrote a letter to the Strictly judge’s younger self – one that had Shirley struggling to read as she was overcome with emotion. 

Speaking about their tight bond, Shirley explained how she ‘couldn’t imagine’ life without her mum. 

Tearing up, she said: ‘Well, at 88, she’s always sort of saying to me now, I’ve had another good year, you know, don’t bank on it and me being here next year.

‘And yesterday she said to me, I do worry about you. Even though you’re 65, I worry about you when I’m not here. 

‘When she says things like that, it’s, I don’t know, very difficult to hear. 

‘Because without her who’s been a part of my life, I’m not just talking about… everybody’s close to their mother, but she’s lived with me since my son was two till he was 21. 

‘And then on and off, you know, she was with David for a while and then he passed.’

Shirley’s brother David Rich died by suicide in 2003, aged 44, after struggles with depression.

She continued: ‘Then we had the stalker. So we sold her house and we moved her in with me. So she’s been again back with me in the same house for about four years. 

‘So I get used to her again and being around and we have our own little routine. 

‘She is the boss, by the way. And it’s hard to imagine life without her.’

Chris said: ‘It’s funny because, you know, when we, because I thought you’d written another novel when we first heard you were coming in for another book. 

‘Your novels are doing really well, aren’t they? 

‘And it’s Christmas and that’s when they usually come out and this is different and you’re giving yourself a break and it’s a really sort of welcome and surprise change from a copy point of view. 

‘And you’re coming in and I’ve always wondered what makes you so strong? 

‘And we’ve alluded to before, but this sort of, this lays it all out, doesn’t it? But even now you’re, and now you’re vulnerable.’

‘Very vulnerable. I feel even more vulnerable this morning. I’m not really quite sure why,’ Shirley replied. 

Elsewhere in her new book, the star confessed that she thought she was ‘losing the plot’ during her ‘darkest hours’.

Following the death of David, the star has spoken openly about her ‘overwhelming grief’ after the tragedy.

The TV personality also revealed that she used to turn to booze to try and numb the pain.

Since her brother’s death, Shirley has become an ardent campaigner for mental health awareness, even setting up charity The Ballas Foundation with her son Mark, 38.

Her son, who was a professional ballroom dancer on Dancing With The Stars in the US, previously opened up about the incident on his website.

In a blog post on his blog unearthed by The Mirror in 2017, he wrote: ‘For me, it’s about raising awareness of depression. It’s not like a mood swing.’

‘People struggle with it every day. Nothing matters. My uncle’s daughter was everything to him, but it didn’t matter because he was sick.’

‘You have to make people aware of it so they can recognize it and help people get better.’

The post continues: ‘The family was not only left with overwhelming grief, but guilt. You keep thinking maybe you could have done something.’

David and Mark had been especially close since he helped look after him while Shirley pursued dancing opportunities in the US.

Shirley and her son decided to go public with their story in 2010 in a bid to raise awareness for suicide prevention.

And in 2024 Shirley revealed she ‘blames’ herself for her brother being alone the day he died because she encouraged her mother to come to a show her son was in.

Speaking on the Great Company with Jamie Laing podcast, Shirley told how her brother had been struggling with his mental health and the family had previously tried to get him sectioned but he wouldn’t go to the hospital.

She said: ‘I was wrapped up in my life, because at that time, I had two other children I was taking care of, plus my own son, and they were all dancers, and I was just wrapped up in my world of ballroom dancing.

‘I was in London. He was up north, and my mother went to stay with him for six weeks. But my mother’s old-school, and they don’t share.

‘So, what I should have done then, if I look back now, is gotten the car straight away and gone to see the situation for myself. He was just in a bad place.

‘He explained it like being in a dark, black hole that he couldn’t climb out of. He’d lost a lot of weight, and the doctors couldn’t help him.

‘We tried to get him sectioned, and when, apparently, I wasn’t there, but my mum was. When they took him in the car and they pulled up to the hospital, he recognized somebody that was stood on the steps, and he was the macho man on the housing estate, and he was too embarrassed, he made them turn the car around.

‘So had she not been there that day, then maybe things could have been different. And it just nobody talked about things like that. No one talked about things like that at all, and they just popped in with pills, you know, like these antidepressants.’

If you have been affected by this story, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org